Fiction: Faustbook

Gretchen writes:

You are doing a deal with the devil.

John writes:

Someone’s been watching a little too much Supernatural. Personally, I think it’s a godsend!

Gretchen writes:

Let me get this straight. Cornelius sent you a link on Facebook to a site – what’s it called again?

John writes:

Mephisto-Files.

Gretchen writes:

Right, that.

– A site that can give you access to every computer, laptop and netbook in the world.

John writes:

And every Mac, Ipad and smartphone.

Gretchen writes:

Whatever. So it will give you all that… FOR FREE?!

John writes:

Not quite free, no. Think of it like eBay, we’ll swap. If I give them something I will be able to download any and every file I want from anywhere and anyone in the world.

Gretchen writes:

Bullfrog!*

*My little sister’s in the room. I don’t want her reading anything bad over my shoulder.

John writes:

I promise you, it’s all legit. Well, they’re telling the truth, I can’t imagine it’s legal.

Gretchen writes:

How can you be so sure you’re right? This could be another ‘oh, Gretchen, Gretchen, Google + is going to be the next big thing!’

John writes:

I thought we agreed never to mention that again.

I just know, okay.

Gretchen writes:

But how?

John writes:

I’ve done a free trial.

Gretchen writes:

Idiot – it could be dangerous!

How does that work anyway?

John writes:

I just get a snippet of what I could get if I sign up.

Gretchen writes:

Which was what?

John writes:

Um… access to the President of America’s PC.

Gretchen writes:

WHAT? God, John, if you expect me to believe that…

John writes:

I promise. It really was. And you would not believe the truth about Area 51. All I’m saying is, I now know where KFC get their special spices from.

Gretchen writes:

John, please don’t do it. It’s either a virus or, if you’re telling the truth, the CIA are going to smash down your door any minute.

And what exactly did you give them?

John writes:

Nothing I can’t do without.

It’s OK. No CIA for me – the files are gone. They delete themselves from your hard drive after 24 hours. I get just one day to use them.

Gretchen writes:

How about what you gave them? Does that disappear too?

John writes:

No, they get that forever.

Don’t worry, it must be fine ’cause Cornelius did it.

Gretchen writes:

Well, how did it go for him?

John writes:

I dunno. I haven’t heard from him since.

————————————————————————–

Gretchen writes:

John?

You haven’t said anything since the other night? What happened about that Mephisto-Files thing? I tried googling them but couldn’t find a thing. Did you do it? Did you do the deal?

John writes:

I did the deal.

Gretchen writes:

Once again, idiot!

What happened?

John writes:

I got it all.

Every private message. Every illicit image that would make their mothers blush. Every covert operation from the governments of Albania to Zimbabwe – who knew the Isle of Wight had nuclear warheads? Every last scrap of humanity was at my fingertips. I could have ruined careers. Toppled nations. Ruled the world.

Gretchen writes:

So…

What did you do?

John writes:

Got distracted on Youtube mostly. I was going to sell some secrets for cash but I ran out of time. There were these videos of cats dressed as famous people.

It was still worth it, though.

Gretchen writes:

John, you complete Arsenal!*

You really had me worried there. Can’t believe I fell for that stupid joke. I mean the files from all over the world was a bit of a stretch but you almost had me with that supervillain shtick a minute ago. No wonder I couldn’t find them on Google.

*Sister’s here again.

John writes:

I

Haha. Guess I had you there, didn’t I?

Gretchen writes:

I have to give you that! So what have you really been up to?

——————————————————————————-

Gretchen writes:

John, what’s up? We said we’d go out tonight but you weren’t home when I knocked?

And your Facebook, your Twitter profile, even your Pinterest – they’ve all gone blank. There’s nothing but some stupid logo pasted all over them. MF?

You’ve done the joke, OK? Why not let it rest now?

John writes:

Help

Gretchen writes:

John?

John writes:

Me

Gretchen writes:

John, what is it? What’s happened?

John writes:

Help MephistoFiles.net by singing up for access to our hellishly good bargains! All you could ever dream of can be yours for just a minimal price! It’d be a sin not to! Start an eternity in bliss today – we’ve got deals you would sell your soul for.

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